The Hardest Decision I Ever Made

It's been a whole year since I made one of the most difficult and scary decisions I have ever had to make. One year ago I quit my full time job. To many of you, this might seem like an exaggeration, calling it the most difficult decision I've ever had to make, but it honestly was and here's why...

I have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, a condition which has had a huge impact on my life. It impacts me in many different ways, including causing extreme fatigue and pain. I had been working full time for just less than a year when my body felt like it was giving up on me. I started to struggle to get through a full day at work, feeling extremely exhausted by lunch time and finding it difficult to concentrate. I continued to work through the exhaustion, but found my day-to-day pain was getting worse. I could no longer walk 10 minutes to the bus stop to get to work, so started having to get taxis. As time progressed, I started having more and more time off work sick, where I was struggling to get out of bed in the morning due to horrendous pain all over my body. I stopped having a social life. I did not feel well enough to do anything after work, and my weekends had to be spent resting to recover from the week at work and prepare myself for the following week.

After discussions with my doctor, I came to realise that full time work was no longer an option for me, so I set out to find a part time job. However, full time work was having too much of an impact on my body, that I did not have the energy, or mental capacity to apply for other jobs whilst still trying to work. This left me with no other option but to quit my job.

BUT things were not that simple. What if I quit my job and then couldn't find another? What if I got worse while not working? How would I answer the classic interview question of "why did you leave your last job"? What if I don't find another job straight away, and then the longer I am unemployed for, the harder it would be to find a job? I had all these thoughts rushing round in my head that I just couldn't make a decision. I couldn't physically stay in full time work any longer, but the thought of quitting and never being able to get another job just made me feel sick.

After 6 months of feeling this way, I reached out to friends and family for advice and support. I realise how lucky I am to have such a supportive network of people who will always offer me reassurance and support my decisions. After many long conversations I decided I had to quit; there was no other option. However, I wasn't going to let myself get stuck in the vicious cycle of unemployment. As soon as I left my job I begun a TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language) qualification. This was a qualification which was easy for me to do from home, at my own pace, alongside applying for jobs. I thought that completing this qualification would help keep many of my worries at bay. Once I had completed the qualification I would be able to teach from home through online tuition, if I had not managed to find a part time job. I would also be able to use studying for a TEFL qualification as an excuse to interviewers as to why I quit my job, and gave me something to talk about in answer to the question "what have you been doing since you quit your last job". I didn't really want to end up teaching from home, but at least it would be an option.

Well, despite all of my fears I am delighted to tell you all I completed my TEFL qualification and am now working part time as a receptionist. If you are in the same situation I was in, too sick to work but not sick enough to not work, then I hope this will have inspired you to make the right decision. Your health and happiness comes first. Everything will work out in the end. Do not make yourself sick by forcing yourself to do a job you're just too sick to do. Quitting was the hardest decision I ever made but it was also the best decision I ever made. I am now in a much better place physically and mentally, and although I will never get my old social life back, I now have days when I can go out and enjoy myself.